The Coincidence Which Makes Us Miss Each Other

The day before yesterday, I did not turn on my cell phone until noon. A few minutes later, a text message appears and reads as “I am visiting Beijing to deal with some business and will leave soon once finishing it. There is not enough time to meet up with each other in such rush trip.” The words was sent by Venus, someone whom I have not thought of for a long time until several days ago Dr. phoned her in front of me, and whom I just fantasized I made love with in the midmorning on that very day.

I got to admit that I still have some special feelings for her. She is the only girl who has really attracted me. Unfortunately, on a special night when she asked me whether I loved her, I hesitated for seconds and kept silence. Soon she came to a conclusion, “you just think that why not accepting all these things in terms of your single status, right?” I do not know what was wrong with me at the moment. Ironically, after our breakup, I did become eager to confess myself to her. But it was late and she rejected my pursuit. I think that sometimes I am just too slow to understand myself and to respond appropriately toward fantastic opportunities.

Once I read her message, I just replied with some short words to express my regret for no time to meet. She then sent another text message to tell me that she used to call me this morning to see if we could have a lunch together but my cell phone disconnected. At the moment, she was already having her meal. I typed words as “It is OK, because we will still meet each other in Wu Tai Mountain.” Actually, I did not really want to meet her on that very day because I am not in good condition. Thus, it might be a good idea to meet next time. Later on, I went to her blog to leave some words for her.

It was coincidental not only that I received her message just after I thought of her on that day, but also that I was not prepared well to meet her on that very day and I unintentionally turned on my cell phone late, resulting in we missed meeting each other. No matter what, I am still looking forward to our reunion.

Taiwanese Literature Reading Club and a Fiction Called “Kill the Husband”

By MSN messenger Mermaid told me that she will get married in September and invited me to join her wedding ceremony in Taiwan. By the same instant communication tool, Cherry told me that in subway train in Taipei she ran into Crimson, who still studies in North Carolina for his politics doctorial degree, and he told her that he was going to visit Beijing next day. I will not return to Taiwan until next Chinese New Year festival, and there is no contact information for me to call Crimson, who I have not seen for many years, to figure out a way to meet up in Beijing. These people are all my old classmates in university, who are the members of Taiwanese Literature Reading Club, an organization that I founded with other four friends in our sophomore year.

Cherry said she have collected all contact information of all members of Taiwanese Literature Reading Club. I, therefore, joked that we should hold once again a reading activity and asked each one to read a book beforehand and to bring the book to join the reunion. This sounds exciting, because I could provide everybody’s speech in our book discussion of many years ago, a reminiscence of the prime of our life.

The time of joining Taiwanese Literature Reading Club is certainly one of my unforgettable and beautiful memories in my life. In addition to getting along with many good friends, I also get inspired by one fiction called “Kill the Husband” (殺夫) written by Li Ang (李昂), a famous Taiwanese writer who has ever been awarded Order of Arts and Letters (Ordre des Arts et des Lettres) by French government. The topic of the book was all about a bad-luck story happened on a wife who had been tortured by his uncouth husband, who made a living as a slaughter. The difficult situation that she confronted with made her eventually choose to kill her husband, a miserable story based on a real social event happened in Shanghai. I learned from this prominent novel that one could always have other choices when facing desperate situations, if one has the courage to forsake what one currently owns and to leave one’s surroundings for a totally brand new place. I think this book somehow affects my life philosophy and a number of decisions in my life afterwards.

An Old Friend's Invitation and the New Friend's Pending Leave

Yesterday, many substantial things happened on me.

First, in the morning I visited Dr. and he gave me a contact info of some Taiwanese in Beijing, who I will write an email to him later, and phoned Venus, who Dr. and I have not seen for a long time, when Dr. and I had our lunch in We Ke Hotel (物科賓館), a place where I had a pleasant conversation with Dr. and Professor Fang, a previous deputy chairman of some Institute of Chinese Academy of Sciences. I was surprised at that Venus still remembered my status and asked me to tell her the result of my examination. At the beginning, she asked me how long I would stay in Shanghai, while the fact is that Dr. came to Beijing so that it was not me travel to Shanghai, but both Dr. and I called her from Beijing at the moment. She invite me to join a possible trip to Wu Tai Mountain (五臺山) in August, an get-together chance which I definitely look forward to.

Second, in the afternoon, Olive told me that he will left Beijing for Paris on July 10 with Henry, who got a internship in an insurance bank in Paris via Olive’s connection, and then stay in Luxemburg about two months before he fly to Boston to complete 2 courses in Harvard Law School, something he has to finish if he want to work for American law firms, instead of European law firms. Besides, he needs to take an exam in America so that he can qualify to work in China for those American companies. He has to get a loan for his short-term study in Harvard. I was sad to know that he might leave Beijing for about half year, because he is my best friend here in China.

Third, in the evening, the score was revealed and it was not ideal for me. Fortunately, I was able to book another seat right away next Saturday in this difficult situation. Thanks all kinds of Gods and all my ancestors! I have to seize each opportunity no matter what happened.

Lifetime Friends Needed Especially When in Depression

The Bar Zone in Lotus Lane - lane
Originally uploaded by taigerwan.

These two days, I have been in deep depression, mostly derived from the pressure of study and the advent of the exam. I got to do something to cheer myself up. Hence, I forced myself to jog for 20 minutes or so, and, after dinner, I watched Kang Xi Lai Le（康熙來了）, a popular and entertaining Taiwanese Show. Today I watched the episode about 周渝民, one member from F4 which is the most sensational group both in China and in Taiwan.

Everybody may encounter some kind of emotional disturbance now and then. One has to learn how to cope with it. I think the best way could be talking with friends, listening to favorite music, doing some exercises, watching some movies or TV programs which can make one cry or laugh so that one can temporarily forget his or her current condition. The emotion management could be more difficult for those who live alone, and, unfortunately, I am belonged to this kind of groups.

Everyone turns to especially need friends, when suffering. At the moment when one becomes fragile, however, one only want to talk to those “lifetime friends”, instead of general friends, who might be colleagues or virtual friends on the cyber space. Unfortunately, most people may find it difficult to make lifetime friends since leaving campus, because most friends that people made after graduation involved with some sorts of sophisticated interests between.

When I was in college, I do make some lifetime friends, which by definition means, no matter how long we have not seen each other, no matter how far away our locations currently is, or no matter what might happen in the future, we believe we can still be friends until die.

At the moment, fortunately, I somehow feel like making two more lifetime friends, Olive and Henry, who is a local Chinese. Before, I used to think that it is impossible for me, a Taiwanese, to make any real friends with the locals. Perhaps, I was wrong.

Want to Own an Apartment? Want to Work in Sydney?

Beijing Botanical Garden
Originally uploaded by taigerwan.

By email, Tomato told me that he finally owns one apartment of his own, after signing a good many papers these days. I am happy for him. Nonetheless, I can not help thinking of myself that I not only do not have any real estate till now, but also might get into debt in the following years. What an opposite situation we are under now!

I think I am a nomad continuing migrating from one city to another. I do not really have the desire to possess one house for myself, at least not at the current moment, partly because I do not have the feeling of belonging to any specific city, no matter Taipei, Shanghai, or Beijing. I keep searching for a place where I belong to.

I wrote to Tomato that I have already set out toward my destination, so that I do not have the right to become depressed for now. The only thing I should do is to concentrate myself on what I should accomplish each day, avoiding from keeping surfing on the Internet without purposes.

Another thing Tomato mentioned is that an acquaintance invited him to work as the designer in Sydney for the second biggest pearl supplier in the world. Perturbed for many days, he eventually declined the invitation because the affinity developing between him and the brand he has been cultivating in his current company whose headquarters located in Kaohsiung.

I supported his decision because Sydney, for him, is an unknown world where he can hardly harness the potential variations which might hinder his success. However, if I were him, I am not sure whether I would make the same choice because I am such a person who always pursues novelty and changes.

Beijing Botanical Garden

Beijing Botanical Garden
Originally uploaded by taigerwan.

Today, I felt frustrated. I think I still have a lot of stuff to improve. These days I found myself easy to upset. This is not a good thing. I hope Thursday's travel can change my status.

Tulips in Beijing Botanical Garden

Beijing Botanical Garden
Originally uploaded by taigerwan.

The Beijing Botanical Garden located in northwestern part of Beijing downtown. It is actually close to Xiang Shan. I did not expect any picturesque scenery there when I accepted the invitation from Oliver. I just want to have some opportunity to talk with him and relax my mind after several days staying home.

Nevertheless, I was amazed by the fantastic tulips there. Those flowers are just so intact and colorful that I am under the illusion that they are fakes.

Beijing Botanical Garden

Beijing Botanical Garden
Originally uploaded by taigerwan.

Today, Olive, Henry and I went to Beijing Botanical Garden.
Tulip there is just so fantastic!

Cat's Decision and Her Offer to Lend Me Money

Cat sent me a text message first and then phoned me.

She said her former company will recruit her again so that she will not take another GMAT and will not apply MBA in one year. I supported her because I know that she made this decision carefully. I have guessed that she might feel frustrated in December when she got fired in her former company, although she has not expressed many emotions about it. However, she appears to be very delighted now, because a manager of another department, an acquaintance from Hong Kong, is inviting her to go back the same company, but just to work in another expending department. This is a piece of good news for sure. She shared her happiness with me and explained the complexity of the former department which she worked for.

We talked a lot tonight as we did one month ago. It's a long conversation almost up to 2 hours again, a common situation happened when we prepared together for the exam before.

Before she hung up the phone, in a careful way she said she can lend me some money while I don't work and have to study full time for the exam. I have never expected this kind of considerate and touching offer from her. Any way, we haven't known each other two months ago, and we have only met up with each other face by face not more than 10 minutes. I thanked for her warm intention, and told her not worried about my economic situation because I had my own solution.
I was very moved by her good intention. Both my little brother and Matteo have also ever expressed to me the same propose before. I am very happy to get along with these good friends. But I won't borrow any money from them. I am not in such bad situation that I can not survive in Beijing. Besides, borrowing money from others is still a shameful thing to do for me.

Cat Proposed That I Can Move in Her Flat

Cat phoned me after participating an Ivey Case Study activity.

Before I took the exam, we phoned each other in turn. I called her on each odd date, and she called me on each even date. This was the way we developed to encourage and to monitor each other so that both of us could study hard. After the termination of my exam, we stopped doing so and only talked with each other once on the very day she took GMAT.

In the phone call, she told me what she discovered and how she felt in the activity. Before she hanged out the phone call, she said she had an embarrassing question to ask me. That is: her father and mother will go back to Jiang Xi Province soon, leaving her current flat an extra room for another person to rent and to live.

I was kind of surprised with her propose, because I have never thought that she, as a single girl, would propose me, as a single man, to move in. She promptly explained that if we live together, we can better encourage each other to prepare for GMAT and for the application of MBA programs. Besides, we can share the rent during the period I don't work. Thus, I can save a little money.

I euphemistically rejected her idea, because I prefer living alone, a life style that I don't have to care about another roommate's mood and living habits. But I do appreciate for her kindly propose. This kind of proposes reveals that she trusts me very much. How can a single boy not feel happy when he gets such a trust from another single girl?

If I would move in, who knows what might happen in the future? Under the same roof, will we develop some kind of relationship other than friends? Under the same roof, will we become enemies because of some trivial events? I don't want to make things getting complicated.

This reminds me of a story happened in my second working years. At that time, I rented in a widow's flat. She has a daughter about one or two years younger than me. Her daughter always liked to ask me to have a walk with her in the neighborhood in the evening. At first, I always went with her, but was worried about being seen because I don't want to be misunderstood. This girl has big and beautiful eyes, very beautiful, and treats me very kind. I guessed she kind of liked me. But I tried to keep some distance from her to make sure she won't get wrong idea form me.

Wednesday Blue

Feel blue today.

Doing nothing, nothing at all today. I already registered the exam yesterday, so I should study very hard now. But I've done all meaningless and trival things today.

Visited the blog of Sa. A sad story there brings me even more sorrow. It reminds me of C,a person who makes me understand what love is.

Olive is inviting me for dinner tonight. I feel kind of sorry for him. He is so kind of me, but I give him nothing.